We all know getting over someone is HARD, and nobody knows that like Nell Mason, the protagonist in Sophia Money-Coutts’ latest rom-com novel Did You Miss Me? That’s why Sophia has joined us to share her top tips to moving on, even when it feels like you never will.
Write a list of all the things you didn’t like about them
My wise friend Tash once advised this when I was trying to get over a break-up. Mine was quite a long list in the end, and it included his shoes, the fact that he still called his mother ‘mummy’, and ‘snoring’. Type it in Notes, Tash advised me, and then whenever I had a weak moment and felt like texting him, I could refer back to it and remember the bad shoes.
I actually moved country for two years after one break up which was quite extreme. You don’t have to do this. But what about a nice minibreak to Lisbon?
On no account listen to music that reminds you of them
Or, actually, music of any sort. By all means have a wallow from time to time. I remember a particularly dismal drive after my last break-up where I listened to Tracy Chapman and sobbed behind the steering wheel so hard I eventually had to pull over and buy a restorative Twix from a petrol station. But in the initial aftermath of a split, music may not be your friend. Try a sobering podcast about politics instead.
Unfollow them on all forms of social media, along with their family and friends
This is a brutal one because so much of our lives are spent online, and clicking the unfollow button can feel like going through the break-up all over again. But seeing their life continue, and keeping tabs on them (‘he’s just followed a woman I don’t know! That’s definitely his new girlfriend!’) is a form of emotional self-harm. Sorry, you’ve got to do it. Or ask a friend to do this for you, as I did after a particularly bruising break-up, because it felt too sad to do it myself.
Don’t force yourself out on a date if you don’t feel like it
I loathe that saying ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.’ It’s not necessarily true. Sometimes going on a date too quickly after a break-up will only make you feel worse. A few years ago, after yet another break-up, I went on a date with someone else who ordered the same beer that my ex liked, and I dissolved into tears at the bar. Awkward for him; awkward for me; awkward for the barman who didn’t understand why I was crying over beer. Try to avoid this sort of scenario.
Look after yourself
Walk. Run. Take hot baths. Surround yourself by your best people. Do things that make you feel loved and looked after, and remind you, if only for a few moments in the depths of your misery, that the sun will come out again.
Remember, there will be more love
It won’t seem like it at certain moments, when you feel lonelier than you ever have before, and as if everyone in the whole world is annoyingly, blissfully coupled up. But everyone gets their turn eventually, and one day it’ll be yours. I once read a book about life and love which counselled its readers that, on a planet of over seven billion people, not everyone can do things at the same time. I still think about this almost daily. We’re all on our own timetable and, when it comes to love, everyone gets their turn. Promise.
Did You Miss Me? by Sophia Money-Coutts is out now in paperback. Available here.